Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace. Psalm 37:37
To the unmarried woman seeking after a glorious marriage that will glorify God, it’s important to know what to look for in a potential husband. The world has its ideas about what a woman is looking for, or should look for. But we are not to look for those things. We are in this world, but we are not of this world, so our vision should be on godliness and righteousness.
Below are the things that this world prizes in a man. A virtuous woman doesn’t look on these things in quite the same way, and so I’ve provided some scriptures to emphasize a Christian view point on these qualities:
POWER: And, behold, I send the promise of my Father upon you: but tarry ye in the city of Jerusalem, until ye be endued with power from on high. Luke 24:49
STATUS: Then Peter opened his mouth, and said, Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons: But in every nation he that feareth him, and worketh righteousness, is accepted with him. Acts 10:34-35
ATHLETICISM: For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall. Psalm 18:29
LOOKS; For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. Psallm 149:4
MONEY: But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
A godly man knows that his power, his status, his looks, everything he has comes from God. These things can all be taken from him. What if he has power and status, but loses them? What if he has physical strength but becomes weak? Would we then leave that person? God forbid. So first and foremost, a virtuous woman looks for a man who is rooted and grounded in the Gospel and in the Spirit of Jesus Christ. To have Christ is to have everything we need and want, as exemplified by the last verse in Philippians. If I am in the presence of the Almighty, He will supply everything me and a potential husband could possibly want.
I always recommend that anyone seeking a spouse should pray that God will bring them the person of HIs choice. If God chose your spouse, He would choose the perfect person to meet your needs and the role they are to play in your life.
But, after that, here are the roles of a husband, and what we should be looking for:
- Provider: He can provide for you materially. Although our culture supports a woman working, a Godly husband will make every attempt to ensure his wife’s needs are covered so that she can devote her time and energy to his home and supporting him in his calling. He is confident due to his walk with God, and able to make sound decisions for your family.
- Protector: He is able to defend her. This doesn’t involve strength, or really athleticism. The most capable soldiers of the last hundred plus years were small men weighing very little*. Rather, it’s the knowledge the man has of what God has given him and his willingness to defend it with his life. He should make every effort to make himself able to defend his family.
- Spiritual Leadership: A man, as stated above, who prays, reads the word of God, worships God, and is a witness for Jesus Christ. He is able to teach his wife these things and lead her in modeling holiness, chastity and modesty.
- Companion to his wife: A man who is affectionate and communicates with his wife his vision, his goals for their life and strives to build their unity as a couple.
- Lover: A man who will seek to meet the physical needs of his wife through his physical affection for her. A virtuous woman cannot know this prior to marriage, but the best way she can assist him in this area is to ensure she herself is an affectionate and active lover for her husband. I recommend reading my article Intimacy is Important. Read godly materials on how to satisfy his physical needs.
If a man meets these qualifications, you should consider that he would make a good husband. Love is a choice that we make, a commitment we choose and other things like attraction, compatibility, even our living habits, can work if we let God make our choice.
It’s important when looking for a husband to know that life changes, and our qualities change. Once married, we have to stay committed no matter what the change in our qualities or circumstances, so the best guarantee for a lifelong relationship is that both husband and wife stay grounded in Jesus. He is the bond of perfectness and our love must flow from the love we receive from Him.
* Footnote: Dan Daly, was twice a Medal of Honor recipient, one of only 19, was a Marine who fought at Bealleau Wood in Belgium. He was called the fightin’est Marine his major general ever knew. Daly was 5’2″ and weighed 132 pounds. Audie Murphy, the most decorated American soldier of all time who fought in WWII, was 5’5″ and weighed, at his intial examination, 112 pounds. For a biblical example, there is David, an 18 year old sheperd boy who defended his flock against a lion and a bear, and went on to kill the giant Goliath that the entire Hebrew army was afraid of.
Pamela Parizo © 2017