Love and attraction are choices

Matters not what impresses me. How is one to choose when they know not what impresses the King. Will you teach me?–Hadassah/Esther from the movie, “One Night With the KIng”

In my prayers for God to inspire me in writing this blog, about submission, I came to realize that we can choose to love someone.  We can choose even to be attracted to someone and desire them.    The word, agape, which is the basis and overarching principle of Christian love, means commitment, or I love.  God doesn’t love us because of who we are; He loves us because we have chosen to respond to His love and because His nature is love.

What if God brought you the perfect candidate for you to marry, but they were not your dream of physical attractiveness or desirability?   What if that man was a good provider, a good protector, knew how to lead you spiritually,  and was otherwise a pleasant person with good character qualities?  Could you love that person?  Could you marry them? Could you…desire to be with them in an intimate way and be attracted to them?

I believe the answer is yes.

Tommy Tenney wrote a good book a few years ago called Hadassah, One Night With the King, which is about Hadassah, a Jewish orphan, who is chosen as a potential candidate to be Queen of Persia.  It was later made into a movie.  Hadassah takes the name of Esther to hide her Jewishness.  For six months, each candidate is given physical beauty treatments and taught court protocol as well as other learnings before spending one night with King Xerxes in which they will try to win his love and become his queen.  The story is an allegory for our approach to Jesus.

During the preparation period, Esther senses the importance of becoming queen, and so she prays that she will fall in love with and want to please Xerxes and find him attractive.   God grants her this wish, and she goes on to win his love and save her people.

If God brought you a man who otherwise had all the qualifications of a good husband, could you love and desire him?  What if you looked on that man as being a king?  I believe that through prayer, God can stir a commitment to love and an attraction to a person.

While physical beauty is not a sin at all, it is not to be our primary consideration, and I believe we give it more due than its worth.   Proverbs 31 tells us that beauty is vain, but a woman that fears the Lord shall be praised.  It’s the woman’s virtues that count, not her physical beauty!  We often quote that when it pertains to women, but it should apply to men as well.  Is beauty in a man vain, but a man who fears the Lord praiseworthy?

Physical beauty is not evil or sinful, but it can cause people to be prideful.  One should alway strive to look their best, but beauty is not a virtue!  Spiritual excellence is.   God could bring you a man who is Clark Kent on the outside, but inside is a super man with strength, confidence and spiritual power.

See also my article: Qualities to Look for in a Husband…PSALM

Pamela Parizo © 2017

1 Comment

  1. I came to this conclusion awhile back when I was praying to God about qualities to look for in a husband. He led me to believe I should rely on HIs choice, not mine, and so I asked God to help me love and be attracted to the person He brings into my life. If we look at some of the people in the Bible, this is exactly what happened with them.


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