The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth? Song of Solomon 3:3
It has been said that women are incapable of giving men the love that they want, that is, the type of love that they idealize in their minds. The writer of this was inferring that women are not capable of loving men as men, but instead love men opportunistically. This has become a common idea among modern men.
In order to look at this, we must ask two questions: Is the way a man wants to be loved by woman possible? and Is it what God had in mind? I believe the answer to both questions is yes.
Men want to be accepted for who they are, as men, without a woman trying to change them, but accepting them and admiring them in their masculinity. An unconditional love. Vicki Yohe, in a beautiful worship song, sings of loving Jesus “Because of who you are.” That is the way men want to be loved, because of who they are, not who we would like them to be. Can a woman love a man that way? Should she? Let’s look at what the Bible says about the love a man has for a woman, and I believe we can find the answer there.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. Ephesians 5:25-28
I will go into this more in the next post, but the husband is supposed to love his wife so that through his sacrificial leadership, she becomes holy. In other words, she is transformed by his leadership, by his love.
So if the man is supposed to transform the woman, it means, the woman is supposed to yield herself to that process. Contrary to the way marriage has been for many decades, a woman is not supposed to try to change her husband. She isn’t supposed to tell him how to order his life, but rather, submit to the molding he would perform with her.
Although I don’t accept all the tenets of the book, Fascinating Womanhood is a good read on this topic. A woman should accept a man for who he is, flaws and all, and allow him to be who he is, accepting that Christ is His head who he must give an account to. Acceptance and admiration of him are the way a woman can truly love a man. The woman does that will find a very grateful, very loving husband.
God does want a man to be loved in this way, and it by doing so, by placing herself in a supporting, submissive role that a woman can please her husband, and win his love and affection. Women need to reject the modern, feminist viewpoint that men need to win a woman’s love, that men need to change for her, that men need to perform acts of love in order to prove their love. Instead, they should pursue their husband’s love, show him they love him for who he is, and allow his love to change her into someone pleasing to him and to God.
Pamela Parizo © 2017