If your church allows dating, and you choose to, you can simulataneously seek a spouse through prayer (see my post Abraham seeks a spouse for his son)
I would recommend starting with a list of the qualities you are looking for in a husband. While attractiveness may be important to you, it is not going to carry you through a marriage. You need to look for someone who is going to have the qualities that will make him a good husband, understanding that God has some very specific roles He wants men to fulfill (see post on Man as head of the household).
Once you have those qualities in mind, you will have a better chance of seeking the right person. Don’t settle for someone whose not going to work at marriage and on his God-given role.
Set boundaries. Understand what is appropriate behavior for your relationship. For single people, it’s very easy to allow oneself to become attached, especially if we feel a connection to that person. You want to beware of men who would “sweep you off your feet”, who would try to establish your relationship too quickly, as you want to exercise your Spirit-led sensibilities to guide you.
Avoid behaviors and situations where temptation could enter in. First, you shouldn’t be alone with the person except in a very public place. We are taught not to put confidence in our flesh, and so you don’t want to trust even the most godly man, because they are open to temptation also. Group dates are your best bet. Save personal conversations for phone calls or texts.
Also, and I can’t emphasize this enough: be aware that there are wolves out there in search of sheep. There may be young men who come to your church looking specifically for a Christian girl in order to prey upon her. Avoid dating men who are new to your church and who you are not very familiar with.
There are dangerous men out who may look and talk Christian, but represent something very different. A new movement within the Church is the men’s rights movement, also known as MRA, or the Red Pill or the manosphere. Just briefly, the manosphere claims that women are driven by a genetic trait that they call “hypergamy” meaning that women are going to marry men they think will reproduce the best, i.e. “alpha males” (which they consider themselves), so they seek to make themselves as attractive as possible to attract women. There is a branch of this movement that considers themselves Christian, but have a philosophy that is far from it.
These men have a rationalist view based in evolutionary psychology, and it is very much against the Spirit of Jesus Christ. Their intentions are to subjugate and objectify women, making them little more than marketplace chattel. Women are not just sex objects, and we have a value beyond our physical beauty, but in the minds of these men, women are here simply for the purpose of the physical pleasure of men and rearing their children. They believe that they don’t owe women love and affection. So, if a guy tries to date you that can’t even show you courtesy or endearments, run from him!
In addition to seeking the right person, it’s important to understand your role in marriage, what qualities you are to exemplify, particularly the spiritually supportive role women have in marriage. See my post, Woman’s Role in the Household.
Pamela Parizo © 2017